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/// A temporarily permanent notice

Looking for free manga download? (Shounen, shoujo, hentai, yaoi, yuri, etc.) Then please read this. I'm putting up the link because some of you might be entering through archived posts.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Not dead yet...

Haha, well, I finally broke down and got a LiveJournal account.

What? And you expected something else?

But I wouldn't be abandoning this blog. My LJ account, aisushi, would mainly contain posts about fanfiction and fandom stuff.

Reality would still crash here.

by Aisu on 2:08 AM
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Dum dee dum dum

Whoooosh~

That, my dear friends, is the sound of rain. (Yes, it is. *glares evilly to anyone who dares contradict*) Rain of the neverending kind. Oh, excuse me, I mean storm. My bad. The big, bad storm which will eventually drown all the abandoned kittens if it doesn't stop within, say, the week!

Storm, storm, storm all around. Jeez... I like the occasional break from school, but two days' worth of suspension of classes (in a row) would task even the most laidback student.

Good thing I have my adowable pc and internet connection.

The spate of suspended classes have given birth to text messages poking fun at the suspension and the president. So what else is new?

by Aisu on 2:17 PM
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Friday, July 14, 2006

Reboot

Gads. Am I to kill this blog, too? I really did not want to disappear for so long, but my sickness has once again inflicted its presence. (What sickness? L a z i n e s s.)

Not that a lot has happened during the time lapse. Note to myself: write about these--

a. Capping ceremony
b. Hospital duties
c. Patients, dead or otherwise
d. Recent movies

by Aisu on 3:10 PM
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Thursday, June 08, 2006

Big toe in the water

Hn. I remember my friend tell me once to try something new everyday (I vaguely recollect we were talking about food then). What the hell, it applies to other stuff, too.

#1: I willingly read a fanfic labelled as containing NCS (non-consensual sex). I've read fics with it before, but they're all between another character and Duo. Once it was Heero. But well, the fic's warning was between Heero and Duo. *whimpers* I actually liked it *hides face in shame*. The dynamics between them was... interesting, for lack of better word (or I just don't want to bust my brains out trying to think of a more suitable word; it'll do) (Oooh, look at you, using words like dynamic as if you know what it's all about. -Amai). Unfortunately, the arc is still ongoing. I really, really hope the author continues it. *crosses fingers* The hope that everything's gonna be okay's what's pushed me to read.

#2: I'm venturing into another fandom (hurrah!). Aside from a few KuroFye fics, all I read are Gundam Wing fanfics. One Piece ftw! (Well, not really. It will always be Gundam Wing ftw.) Still turning over in my mind which OTP I'd get into for OP. Sanji will be one of the half, of course. I like him the best, though he's sometimes wimpy. Gah. I usually go for the quiet, cool and collected ones. He fits the cool part, anyways. That ought to count for something. The one I'm currently in the middle of has Zoro and Sanji paired up. Mebbe I'll stick with them. Hee. *fuzzy feelings*

I'm turning over the idea that I'm gonna make a separate blog for my fanfic ravings. I hate that I'm beginning to spam my own blog with the stuff. *goes off to think about it*

by Aisu on 12:52 AM
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Saturday, June 03, 2006

Hang the Dog (or Of Doubts and Shame)

Today is a Ver Bad Day. Nah, I am making it official. In my life, short as it is, today would rank as one of my most awful days. Scratch that. Today, 3rd of June 2006, is THE most awful day of my life. Well, mine and Ate Agi's, which I would later explain. Hm. Okay, mine and everybody else's except my mom's. And with the possible exception of Pops, Nii-san and the most miniscule possibility of Kimijima-kun.

I'm rambling. ain't I? Yeah, butchering my sentences like that is usually a sign that I am still lost in the aftermath of recent events.

What recent events? The recent events that earned today as A Most Horrifying Day.

And I am back to repeating myself. But I am excused. It's not every day that one wakes up to a view of a blood-spattered and blood-drenched bathroom worthy of Alfred Hitchcock.

Later... later I will write about this, preferably from a distance of a few days. After much rehashing and replaying of the day. After the subject has been beaten down to the dust. After I've forgotten certain passages of time related to the Terrifying Event.

---------

In the hospital earlier (I swear I will explain all. After all, what is my blog but an excuse for exorcism?), I not-so-suddenly thought that I need a boyfriend. Or a girlfriend. Whatever. I just need a Significant Other. Yes, need. Not want, but need.

I need someone who knows I am strong, but that my strength will sometimes fail me. I need someone who I can be weak in front of. Someone who will let me cry and offer comforting words which I know aren't true but s/he will say them because I need to hear them. Someone who I will not be afraid to show vulnerability to, because that someone will know it will pass and I will be strong again. But for that brief moment, s/he will be my source of strength and I can depend on her/him to shield me from the world.

God... I need.

by Aisu on 11:43 AM
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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Ze procrastinator strikes again!

Okay. I haven't been posting because... I didn't feel like it. Mwahahahaha!! But no worries. I have loads of drafts/unpublished posts just waiting to be buffed and shined to be fit for, uh, semi-public consumption.

Anyways, I've been spending days haunting different livejournals. I briefly considered transferring my blog there. Still considering whether to shift my blog to an lj account but I feel somewhat insecure about it so, natch. Besides, it would take a long time for my ulterior motive to come to fruition.

--------

*squee* Lookit this, lookit this! I made matching avatars of Heero and Duo! *glomps them* Not fully satisfied, but it was the best I could come up with considering I felt the whole process kind of tedious. Heero with his laptop (no black laptop, dang), Duo with a Bible (blasphemy!). Couldn't find his cross. *sigh*

Heero Duo

Aren't they adorable? *snuggles the chibis*

by Aisu on 2:02 PM
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Friday, May 19, 2006

[Dabbles] True fiction part 1

Nyuhar har har!! Whoever is unlucky enough to actually read this... Be tormented! Not because of the content, but because of the utter inanity of it. Anyway, this is the first part of a flow-of-consciousness thingie type. The title is quite ingenious, yes? (Hear the sarcasm, please.)

-----

YOU

You are there again staring blankly at nothing. You sit there wondering what all of us have wondered at one time in our life or another.

You wonder why you are alive, what you are meant to do. Why are you in existence? And the answer - the answer you have been getting for the past few years - still remains unchanged: you don't know.

Half a dozen years and you still don't have the answer. You are in a limbo. You don't know what you want to do, what you are going to be. You don't have the slightest inkling of what direction you are headed for, what your future might hold. You are just a leaf, floating with the wind, going where the current takes you. You are just a leaf, riding the flow of the river. You don't care about the consequences. You are not bothered that you might end up stuck among sticks, washed up on some bank, taken to the edge of the sea, sucked down the currents, never to be seen again.

You stare at the blank wall as if you could find your reason for living there. You sit there contemplating. You do this not because you are really interested in the knowledge these hours of reflecting will bring. You continue to enact this mental activity because it is what is expected: you are expected to know what you want to be. You are expected to know the purpose behind your life.

But you don't. And not even the countless hours spent pondering on what has been and what will be can change that. Nothing, not that fact that sometimes your brain nearly bleeds with the effort of thinking things over can help.

You sit there and stare hypnotically at any reflective surface available for your viewing pleasure. How you were an average kid who grew to be an average teen who ends up being an average immature adult. And you ask, what path is there for you but to become an average adult? Eventually, you'll have an average spouse and have an average family.

All in all, you will have an average life, a mundane life. You cock your head slightly to the right. Are you satisfied with the scenario that you have concocted? Is that all there is for you? Living the life millions before you have lived before... Is that what you want?

In this circle you go round and round.

Perhaps, you think, you are procrastinating because you are not yet ready to stare the answer in the face. You know you are being a coward, but do nothing about it. Next year, the words whisper across your consciousness, next year you will be prepared... You will know what you want to be next year, what you will be. Next year...

And you overlook the fact that you have made the same promise, broken the same vow, for the last half dozen years.

Six years and counting...

by Aisu on 7:17 PM
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Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Nyuu... Pretty pathetic

Wo0t! Ayum in the mood to babble and ramble on and on and on...

"I just did an exponentially stupid thing."

"Ah. So your stupidity has levels now, hm?"

An exaggerated gasp. "Wow. You *are* alive, after all, buddy." I say in a disappointed tone of (what else?) voice. "Wow." I say again for good measure.

Amai just raises an eyebrow. "You just repeated yourself. That indicates an alarming decrease in higher brain functions, you know." A pause, then, "Admit it- you missed me."

I wave her off. "Anyway, I decided to, uh, 'expose' my blog link for a few minutes. But I had second thoughts...

"I mean, do I really wanna take the risk of putting my blog and therefore parts of my life, up for public consumption again? I have decided to withhold the link from everybody, right? It gets a little lonely sometimes, but what the hell, I'm okay with lonely."

"This means we can expect to see your blog link glaringly displayed somewhere one of these days, right?" Amai says snarkily.

"..."

---------

Note to myself: Self, remind me to delete this stupid post later, okies? Are you saying something, Amai? What? What posts? Oh, those drafted posts... Uh, yeah, I'll put them up later. I swear I'll publish them. Right after I finish eating. And organizing my files. And getting me some manga. And yaoi fanfics. And right after I finish watching Tsubasa season 1. And-- Ouch! My head isn't that hard, yanno! Ouch, ouch! Hey! That shoe could've done serious damage to my brain cells! Uh-oh... Amai, put down that figurine. You could kill with that. C'mon, Amai, buddy, old pal--

by Aisu on 8:29 PM
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Sunday, May 14, 2006

[Attention] Manga Download

I have been noticing a trend... The few people who stumbled upon my blog apparently were looking for manga to download (well, also yaoi fanfiction, but they are the minority). Surprees, surprees, a large percentage were for hentai manga. Virgin na Kankei, anyone?

Since I am feeling magnanimous, I am going to share where I get my fix of daily manga. THE LURKER ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA (a mouthful, ain't it?) has got this jumongous manga archive for download. For free. No, you haven't died and gone to heaven yet. Check out their packlists; Mirrors and Neverwhere are their main distro bots.

As for their hentai, yaoi and yuri bots, those can be found at their pr0n site. Their yaoi bot isn't that big yet but I have hopes for it. Woo-hoo.

To download, you need to have mIRC (or whatever) and be on their channel, #lurk, on IRC Highway. That's it. Have fun leeching!

XS: Though I haven't lurked on #lurk for the past coupla months now, ayum certain the 'conversations' there are still as... interesting... as ever. The channel is not for prudes or the faint-hearted. You were warned.

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edit 060306: I dunno if people realize it, but I'm not one to challenge the power of stupidity so I'm tellin it outright that the links to where you can download are contained in the post. See those grayish words? The ones in bold? You don't get a prize for figuring out that they ARE the LINKS.

And just in case you still haven't an idea where, look to my sidebar, yeah, the one on the left, under Zoning Out.

by Aisu on 5:04 PM
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Monday, May 08, 2006

Twist the knife, why doncha?

I hate today.

I hate me today.

I'm getting this... this abominably unwanted feeling - the type where what passses for my heart seems to be directly connected to my stomach. Yeah, I know they *are* connected in some way. Work with me here, okay?

There's this tingling, aching feeling in my chest, directly reflected by my poor, abused stomach. Almost like when you're in a fast and super high ride (rollercoasters, anyone?). Almost, but not quite. That kind of feeling.

See, my mom handed me a bunch of letters that survived our house moving about a coupla years ago. The letters brought back forgotten memories from both my elementary and high school days. Made me realize how much I despise my much Younger Self. Die, Aisu of Few Years Back, die!

Not all of the recollections were bad. But one particular letter prompted me to search the net for "pals" from Grade Six. And I am ever so sorry I did what I did. All that 'let sleeping dogs lie', 'past is past', 'let the past stay fucking buried' cliches started haunting me.

See, I've always had this... kind of resentment towards one of my buddies back then. It's not too complicated but I hate going into details and if I did go into details, not a few curses will surely muck up the telling and I'll only end up telling her, her, and my stupid Younger Self to just go to hell and leave me the fuck alone!

But no, I'm not bitter. Just in case you're wondering. No, really, I'm not. *insert eebil glare up 2 intensity levels*

Gads... Where were these angsty woe-is-me thoughts when I was in high school?

I hate introspection.

But not as much as I hate me today. What? What are those looks for? Of course it's only for today. You don't think I'll really-for-sure hate myself, do you?

I hate me for feeling like a loser, even if only for a few minutes. I hate that I let myself be used. I hate that I did nothing and let things as is even knowing that I *was* being used. I hate their Younger Selves for being insensitive louts.

I hate.

by Aisu on 6:26 PM
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Friday, May 05, 2006

And they got pwned

Does anyody else find it disturbing to find fics with Kurogane, Fai and Mokona in a threesome?

I feel a little green here.

-----

"Hah!" I crowed. "I totally owned their collective asses! I got top marks for our midterm exam in Politics and Governance earlier-- and that was after a surface glance at the book on the train ride to school and roughly three hours of sleep after an all night binge of fic hunting."

Amai snorted. "Huh. What's so special about that? You never really review anyway. Besides, you committed four mistakes. FOUR. I personally know you could've gotten it down to two if you just... Ah, forget it. And I, for one, wouldn't be proud of besting your classmates. I doubt any one of them was worthy of being considered opponents. The whole school is like that, unfortunately."

I 'hah'ed again. "Never underestimate your enemies! There was always the off-chance that someone in the bunch could've beaten me." Well, except for Risu, I guess.
-----

Nyargh. Hehe, I know, I know, I'm being conceited and arrogant. And disparaging. But I am unrepentant, all the same. Because I rarely do boast of my prowess (*snerk*), and only to my bestfriends, at that. I mean, if I couldn't worship at my altar at my own blog, when and where could I do it?

by Aisu on 5:22 PM
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